What Are You and I Desperate For?

"I'm crying out in desperation
Waiting now in expectation.
Crying out in desperation for You."

As I'm worshiping God on Sunday morning, this song (Heaven Fall Down) was the last song we sang, and it made me think first of a few people that need to be "desperate" for God.  Some of them need to even want to be desperate for God, and I'm not sure they realize it. So I was praying as I sang, "God make them desperate for you."

Then I was convicted by my own need to be desperate for God.  So, since I don't have a lot of typing time, I'll just jump into sharing some areas that I need to be - and am - desperate for God.

• Wisdom for Shari and I to care for couples that God has placed in our lives.  Some of them are in crisis, some just need input from a couple who have been around the block a few more years than them (like 10+ more years).  We can't just depend on our experience, but we need to speak from God's heart and mind.
• Creating adventure and spiritual lessons with Shari for my boys so that they're not learning life lessons the much harder way of jumping into sin and discovering just how empty it is.
• Depending on God for our provision rather than being content with just getting a paycheck.  That is, I want to be aware that God's always the one providing, not our church (my employer), not my hard work, and not taking it for granted.
• I need to want to be desperate for God... so much so that I don't fall into the variety of traps Satan places to distract me with good things that aren't God's things in my life.
• I want to make my love for and life with Shari to be an adventure we do together, and not just do life together floating along and being content with whatever happens, or - even worse - each of us doing our own thing rather than ministering and living life and raising kids and - most importantly - growing in Christ together as a team.

So those are some thoughts that occurred to me during our time of worship on Sunday.  I still pray that others would be desperate for God, but I want to make sure that my heart is pursuing Him that way and not get cocky or prideful about how others aren't.

Look for Life Where Life is Found

He Is Here!



Pastor Doug played this video for Easter Sunday. It really does a great job of proclaiming truth by itself - no sermon needed.



Then, in my reading this morning, I read Isaiah 40:9-31. The whole focus of that passage is on the greatness of God-Jehovah. However, it's not only the greatness of God, but it's also the emptiness - no, the silliness - no, even the stupidness (not a word, I know, but bear with me) of seeking answers, help, LIFE from anything or anyone besides God.

It's not just about seeking answers through old-fashioned idols - carvings made of gold or wood - or even through "bad" things, like drugs, pornography, or money. The temptation is to seek life through good things. Am I seeking to be fulfilled by my family liking me enough... or friends? Am I wanting answers for direction in life from my wife and her relationship with God? If I don't get the perfect ministry position (whatever my emotions dictate to that to be on any given day), does my life no longer have meaning or purpose?

God is all that I need. These other things bring life, but only in as much as they are gifts from God that I give back to Him, or use for His glory (if they're things, not people), or give thanks for them as from Him. Ultimately, if they are taken from me, I still have life from, in, and through Christ. This is still more theory than reality for me. I want it to be more real, but I continue to find myself struggling with looking at my motives and heart and realizing my attention and focus has gotten off God and onto... whatever. Still, the wonder - what makes God so amazing and worthy of worship on our worst days - is that God graciously redirects, recalls, and refocuses our hearts every time we get distracted. He is an amazingly loving and gracious daddy.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thinking about Rejoicing

rejoice: "to be glad; take delight (often followed by 'in')." Dictionary.com

In reading the Bible the last few days, I've been camping on 2 Cor. 13:11.

"Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace, and the God of love and peace will be with you." (ESV)

I was struck by how often God calls us to rejoice through the authors of the New Testament and the Psalms, as well as by Jesus Himself. According to the Strongs Concordance (via blueletterbible.com), in the KJV there are 74 uses of "chairo", the word we translate as, "rejoice." In all of the these contexts, the idea fits the dictionary.com definition.

I can't think of one person in Scripture who calls us to rejoice from an ivory tower. They've been through the wringer and then some, many being tortured and eventually put to death. Jesus called us to rejoice specifically in the midst of persecution, then showed us how with his life. James does the same thing (James 1:2, though it's not the same word, it's the same principle). Paul calls us to rejoice numerous times, even from a Philippian jail (Phil. 3:1 & 4:4). David is being chased by Saul to be put to death, then, later, by his own son, yet praises God in the midst of those times. These guys didn't ignore their pain, or practice the 'power of positive thinking.' They just made the choice to rejoice in the midst of it, knowing that, "... for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." (Rom. 8:28) (ESV)

So today I make the choice to rejoice. I'm not ignoring my pain, or the difficulties of life. Nor am I rejoicing because things are particularly easy, or because life is better for me than 80% of the people of the world. I'm simply choosing to, "take delight in" Christ, what He has done in and around me and those I love, and what He's going to do, even when I don't have the faintest idea what that is, because I know He is trustworthy, and He loves me more than I can fathom... literally. I can't grasp how much He loves me. It's amazing. And knowing my heart as little as I do compared to His knowledge of me, that's a love that I know has my best interests in mind, and won't let me down, even if I - or those I love - were to die today.

I say that now. God, please help me to rejoice when I don't feel like it; when life throws me a curve ball and I want to get angry, cry, or lash out at somebody because they've hurt me. Please help me to trust you at those points, to, and remember what it means to "praise you in the storm."

Random Thoughts @ 2:00am

The following post was actually written on Dec. 20, 2011. I just wasn't able to get it up and live until today. So, recognize that these thoughts occurred before Christmas... whatever that might mean.

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As I sit in front of our Christmas tree at 2:00am, I am wide awake. I have no idea why. When I went to bed tonight, it wasn't quite 10:00pm, and I was exhausted and went right to sleep. So, I'm sitting here, sipping peppermint tea, and my mind is full of random thoughts that I've been contemplating over the past few days.

• I want more of Christ in my life. I read something yesterday that struck me afresh - Am I seeking God's face, or am I seeking His helping hand? Not that the latter is bad, but I really want to be doing the former, knowing that the latter will occur even as I seek His face.

• Christmas isn't here for Shari and I. The "Magic of Christmas" is definitely missing. I'm not sure if it's because we're not connected to the Vine well, or because we're too busy, or maybe because of something I can't even think about, but it simply isn't here. As I sit and look at our tree, and all the beauty of the decorations around me, my heart isn't terribly stirred by it all... yet I want to be more than I can express with words. I want tears to well up when I consider what Christ did for me. This is probably the first year in 20 years that some sort of Christmas message isn't stirring in me, looking for an outlet. I want that back, not so I can deliver it, but because of the excitement in me about the message and heart of the Christmas story.

• At the same time, I am overwhelmed by how blessed we are. We watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition last night... er, two nights ago with the boys, and I was struck afresh at how blessed we are in so many ways. We are materially blessed; we are out of debt; our health is relatively good (compared to those we know struggling with cancer and the like); we live in America, with all its freedoms and prosperity; we have a church family that genuinely cares for us in so many ways. All of this has struck us afresh as Shari and I have been wrapping and preparing gifts for our boys and extended family.

• As I struggle with my own sin (Don't look at me with that tone of voice. We all have sins we struggle with. Some are just more socially acceptable than others), a young man has asked me to mentor him as he struggles with his sin. How is it that God asks one saint who sins to help another saint who sins get over a particular sin, when the first saint is struggling with his own stuff? To add to that question, how in the world do I help him overcome when I can't relate to the sin he's going through. I can't figure out how to connect the dots between my struggles and his, as they are in such different worlds. Yet we're both struggling with sins that we need God to set us free from. Then there are the excuses that make his sin easier to break than mine. If you don't believe me, just ask me. I'll explain it to you... and be convicted by God even as I do it.

• I DO NOT want to have my gall bladder out. It may make perfect sense to the doctors, but that doesn't mean I like the idea. I've never been cut open before, never been so sick that I've needed a hospital stay (The helivac off the mountain in 1994 doesn't count. I didn't need the hospital stay, everybody just thought I did... including me. We were wrong, so it doesn't count, right?), and am not allergic to anything. Besides being a few pounds overweight, I'm in pretty good health. More importantly, I DON'T FEEL SICK. Yet there are these "rocks" in my body, waiting to plug up an important tube and cause some real problems. I can either eat "sticks and leaves" for the rest of my life, or I can take out the problem body part. I don't like either choice... and I don't like the reasons I don't like either choice. <>

So, as I put this aside (I'll probably post this later today when I get to the office), I go back to what I know - prayer. It's all about seeking His face, and trusting Him. So, that's where I'll go again... starting by asking Him to help me get to sleep. It's now 2:40am. At least it's a productive time.

Reflection - Morose or Moving Towards Something?

I'm sitting in my office at the church listening to our youth pastor lead around 75-100 youth in a rousing game of "White Elephant Gift Exchange." He's a great guy, and doing a fantastic job. As I listen, all sorts of emotions go through me. The overall emotion, though, is missing youth ministry. I miss volunteering for Pastor John in Wenatchee. I miss leading a small group of teens. I miss preaching a Christmas message and praying - fighting for - teens to come to Jesus. I miss the camaraderie of our jr. high team in Lolo. I miss discipling a teen or two one-on-one. I want to be back in the game.

So, with that comes the other emotion: Frustration with God. What's He doing? Why aren't I in the game? I can think of a couple of reasons, and to be out while I'm working on those things in my life is probably a good thing. But that doesn't take away the other emotions of frustration.

Updated 01/13/12

Every once in a while I write things that aren't appropriate for this forum. It was brought to my attention that what I wrote here wasn't. I hate it when I do that, and I apologize. Suffice it to say that I was feeling very frustrated with God at the time, and why He was allowing some things in my life. Obviously, the fact that I'm having to write this apology shows that I've still got some things He needs to work on. That doesn't excuse it. I write that simply to acknowledge it.

And yet...

Shari and I are enjoying leading the small group ministry here so much. No, I don't get to preach, but I do get to speak into other men's lives. Shari is speaking into a ton of new moms' lives. We get to speak into the lives of a few couples. We get to encourage people to move towards relationships. We have a great home, and live in a really nice and friendly neighborhood, probably the friendliest and kid - friendliest - we've ever been in. God has given me some amazing administration gifts... which I don't get, because I'm not good with details, but there it is. Other people seem to think I'm doing great, and I do love what I do about 80% of the time. And administration is a spiritual gift.

I could say more, but the youth are done, and it's time to go home. I'm missing youth ministry, but God keep reminding me that I CAN trust Him. He's not only in control, but He's taking me down a road that is best for me, though I can't see where it's going, even on a map. God's not safe, but He is good. I've got to trust in Him, not how things look.

A Birthday to Remember: Pt. 2

Our Christmas is looking pretty sketchy for gifts. We have about $3000 in medical debt, plus my surgery, and it's looking like Shari's going to have surgery before the year is out. Two more surgeries make three surgeries in one year between two people. All we know is that God's our provider, but we are in over our head. Today, in the mail, titled, "A Christmas Bonus" came a very large check from an anonymous giver. It's made all the more special because they don't get a write-off for it. It's simply a gift. Added to that is that, to our knowledge, they do not know about our financial situation. They want no thanks. They just wanted to bless us. They have, more than they can imagine, as our boys see once again - and we're reminded once again - that God does care and provide.

We ended the day with a fantastic splurge: Shari's favorite meal - steak. She shared, but the boys and I also had pork steak. It was fun to grill outside in the 20 degree cold. Then Shari opened gifts I didn't know how we were going to afford this morning, yet we were able to get her this afternoon. The boys picked out a nice coffee calendar, while I got her a nice coffee wall decoration. While we're making our living room and bedroom a "cabin in the woods" feel, Shari wants the kitchen theme to be coffee. God's come through on the living room, so now we're praying for the kitchen. These aren't needs. We know that. Still, they are simple desires for a couple that like things to look nice. On the other hand, our time in Montana taught us again that it's all just things. My nice office with built in shelves is gone, yet we are still blessed with what God's given us that's different. More importantly, we're blessed with each other.

So, as everyone else drifts off to sleep (Shari's wiped, too, having stayed up most of the night with me, being awake even when I was dozing in the hospital), I'm enjoying a few more minutes of sitting, counting our blessings, and enjoying the view from my front window looking in.... Well, I'm just inside our front window, looking towards the rest of the house. A picture simply wouldn't do it justice... and my words can't give God enough praise, credit, and the glory.

A Birthday to Remember: Pt. 1

It's 9:00pm. Last night (this morning) I didn't get to sleep until 6:00am. I'm exhausted. Yet, I want to take these last few minutes of the fire in the fireplace to enjoy the outcome of the day.My wife turned 40 today. It's a milestone, for sure. Yet it's not the milestone that marks this day as amazing. It's the blessings of God, in spite of our unbelief, our lack of faith. So I sit in our living room, enjoying the blessings around me, and reminding myself that God, through Jesus, by the Holy Spirit living in me (and my wife) loves us very, very much, and there's nothing I can do to earn that love. I am amazed, humbled, and tremendously repentant (again) at my lack of belief in God's amazing love, power, and ability to turn things around at the drop of a hat.Last night/this morning seemed to start by reminding us of our own frailties. I spent the night in pain from gall stones plugging up my gall bladder. That was not fun. I went to the ER around 2:00 am. By 3:00, right before they gave me something for the pain (that was funny timing, but I decided not to argue, as I had no idea whether it would come back), the pain disappeared. The pain medicine they gave me was freaky. I got dizzy, then the room wouldn't quit spinning, even when I wasn't dizzy. We finally got back home after being told I'd need my gall bladder removed later that week. I went to bed at 6:00, got up around 9:30. Yeah, I'm tired, but I have a feeling it will really hit me tomorrow if I don't hurry up and finish this.At 11:30 two girls from Shari's small group (Girls? I think they're both close to 30, or over) came over with all sorts of trappings. They totally redecorated our living room as a gift to Shari. As I look at the Christmas light-lit room, I see pictures of our boys, our family, and Shari and I in different "woodsie" settings, fitting with the theme Shari and I have wanted in our living room and bedroom for years. On the mantel are more decorations of the same. On the hearth is an beautiful 3-log candle holder. Shari came home and was not only awe-struck at their generosity and design, but almost cried about it. I, in turn, cried because of the way I saw my wife valued. It meant more to me that they valued her so much than that they did what they did.More of God's awesomeness - the rest of today's story - tomorrow.

From God to Moody To Pruitt to Loeffler

Jeremy Pruitt preached this past Sunday at our church.  Actually, as I type this, I'm sitting in the back of the sanctuary during the second service.  It's almost time for Jeremy to preach again, and I'm sure he's going to bring his A-Game this time, too.  He had some really good things to say, and I could talk about it for a while. 

However, one thing he said that God spoke to me through was about waiting on God and trusting Him so much that I let Him choose the gifts, the timing, etc. Here's the story straight from Jeremy's notes (which he was kind enough to send me.)

"Moody writes,

I learned a lesson once from my little girl. She was always teasing me for a great big doll. She had a lot of dolls around the house without heads, some without arms, some without legs, but she wanted a great big doll. You know if a man has an only daughter he is rather soft (and they find it out you know); so she was determined to get that big doll. One day I had a good streak come over
me, and I took her to a toyshop to get her a doll, but as we went in the door we saw a basket of little china dolls. “O papa, isn’t that the cutest little doll you ever saw?” “Yes, yes.” “Well, won’t you buy it?” “Well, now, Emma, let me choose this time.” “O, no, papa; I just want this little doll.”

I paid a nickel for the doll and took her home. After the newness had worn off, the doll was left with all the others. I said, “Emma, do you know what I was going to do that day when I took you into the toyshop, and you selected that little china doll?” “No, papa.” “Well, I was going to buy you one of those great big ones.” “You were?” “Why didn’t you do it?” “Because you wouldn’t let me. You remember you wanted that little doll, and you would have it.” The little thing saw the point, and she bit her lips and did not say anything more. From that day to
this I cannot get her to say what she wants. When I was going to Europe the last time, I asked her what she wanted me to bring her, and she said, “Anything you like.”

It is far better to let God choose for us than to choose for ourselves. 'Thy will, not mine, be done.' "

So that whole story spoke to my heart regarding my life situation.  Am I willing to let God choose for me, or am I going to insist - by his grace - that he get for me what I want.  Of course, the analogy breaks down a bit, as there's a place where we need to pray for - do spiritual warfare for - the desires God's given me.  However, it comes down to both my motives and and me listening for God's voice to know His desire.  Am I so connected to Him that His desires are mine?  Am I wanting to do what He's called me to in order to bring Him glory, or for my own glory.  These are things I want to examine my heart about, and I want Him to have headship over. 

God, I want to be in a place of camaraderie.  I want to be pastoring.  I want my identity and calling to be accepted rather than looked down on.  I don't want to get to 50 and look back on the last 10 years and wonder what I did of consequence.  I must trust you for your timing and your direction.  For now, this is where you've called me, and the roles you've given me are what I'm called to do.  Please help me to serve with a heart of surrender and trust in You rather than always looking at what I don't have.  Thank you.

Son of God

I am currently reading through Galatians.  I read Galatians 3 & 4 this morning.  What struck me afresh this morning was that I am a son of God.  I'm not just a son of God, but I have THE Son of God - Jesus Christ - living in me.  In fact, in another place, Paul says, "It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives through me.  The life I live I live by faith in the Son of God."

What struck me this time was that I can call God the Father my "Daddy" not because I am simply His child now, adopted into His family, but because I have put on His Son.  When He sees me, He see His Son, and therefore, in some mysterious way, I may call Him my Daddy.  Yet, not I, but Christ in me.  It's amazing.  It's a tremendous gift.

Then, to add to that knowledge, last night I was reading J. Oswald Sanders' book, "Spiritual Discipleship."  Sanders brings out the point that God is completely sovereign, yet He is also completely our Daddy.  Somehow He is able to be both these things - our Lord and Daddy - at the same time, without lessening either.  It's a great mystery, but an amazing blessing at the same time.

These are some random thoughts I'm having as I read His Word, and they all point me back to praising Him.  If they don't for the reader, that's okay, but I will praise Him all the more because He's my Daddy, my Lord, and my friend.

Frustrated with comparisons

I just finished reading Walt Mueller's latest blog post. It was good, and it prompted me to think about a few things. However, what it prompted most was another round of comparisons.

"Well, at least my family eats together more than that.

"Well, at least we don't watch that much T.V." (Though I can't say we don't have one anymore.)

"I don't spend nearly that much money on eating out." (Though I'd like to have the income to do so.)

Lately I've become very frustrated with myself regarding how often I compare myself - or my family, or my wife, or... whatever - with others. What I realize I'm saying is that as long as I can compare myself favorably against others, I'm not that bad. It's frustrating because I know it's a lie from hell. Pastor Doug spoke on it this past Sunday when he talked about "Image." When I compare how well I'm doing, my level of sin (level!?), or how I look with others, I'm falling into a trap. It may be the trap that I'm doing fine when in reality there's something wrong (e.g. being overweight isn't a good thing, even if I am skinnier than a large portion of people my age), or it could be the lie that I'm awful because I'm not at the same place as somebody else (e.g. that guy's ten years older than me, and look what he can do on a mt. bike). Either way, it's a lie that Satan can use in a variety of ways, and it's frustrating that I give into it so often.

Yes, comparison can be used by God to move me towards Godliness, but it should be done with caution, and much prayer. So, I'm venting here, while also praying: God, please help me not to believe the comparison lies, but to hear your voice regarding all things - sin, health, my identity, etc., and to use the things I see around me to move me towards Christ-likeness in how I view myself, my family (with all it's joys and frustrations and imperfections), and even my relationship with you.

Hmmm... I'm reminded of this post I made some time ago about seeing weeds instead of flowers. As I look out our front window, I'm reminded again of all the beauty God is working in our lives. As I look at our garden in back (Mmmmm - Tomatoes are ripening), I'm reminded that He is producing fruit in our lives - in my life. Thank you God that you are at work in the cracked and broken vesl