Ambition & Safety

I'm currently reading "Spiritual Discipleship" by J. Oswald Sanders.  It's an excellent book, and I'm being challenged left and right by it.

Chapter 8 is titled, "The Disciple's Ambition."  Mr. Sanders asks questions such as:

•        "What is our ambition?"

•        "What is the motive for our ambition?"

•        "Is our ambition such that everything else is second to it?"

•        "Does our (my) ambition bring glory to God, or to self?"

•        "What is my response when my ambition is tested, especially by friends?"

These have all been great questions, and his "discussions" about them have been fantastic.  Here are some quotes that have caught my attention, and made me think about my own ambitions.

"It is the responsibility of the disciple to be the best he or she can be for God.  To please Him is a most worthy aim."

"No great task was ever achieved without the complete abandonment to it that a worthy ambition inspires."

"Will the fulfillment of my ambition bring glory to God and make me more useful to Him in reaching out to a lost world?"

"With all the resources of God at our disposal, we need not plead our weakness or inadequacy as an excuse for poor performance.  The least promising among us may yet be used greatly by God."

Then there's this one by John R.W. Stott, quoted here by Mr. Sanders, which was really the biggest challenge for me:

"Jesus did not remain in the social immunity of heaven, or hide away in the safety of the skies.  He entered the zone of danger, risking contamination... How can we make safety our ambition?"

All these things really make me question what I'm doing now.  What is my ambition?  I know it's not to continue being an office manager.  I know God's called me to pastor.  How am I to pursue that?  What kind of pastor am I called to be?  Youth still?  I'd love that.  Or is God moving me on to another type of pastor? When?  And, with all of these, what is "unsafe" about what I'm doing?  That is, what am I doing that is so "dangerous" that God has to come through, or I'll fall on my face.  Of course, that said, it must be something God's called me to do, or I will fall on my face anyway, but even there God will pick me up, brush me off, heal my wounds, and set me off in the right direction, never once berating or saying, "I told you so."

Other questions surface.  Is God really calling me to stay here and plant, or is this just another stop on the way to "home."  That brings up more questions about my heart, my passion, and the hearts of my family.  So many questions, and so few answers yet.  I can only turn to the One that I gave my heart to, and renew my commitment to trusting Him - That He is good, that He has my best interests at heart, and that His power is made perfect in my weaknesses... and I have plenty of them.