Communication and Leadership
What does trust look like between a leader and those he's called to lead? As I think back to my YD days, especially those in Moses Lake, one big thing comes to mind: communication. I didn't always agree with my boss. I'm betting Dave didn't always agree with me. But one thing was true - I knew I could trust my boss to listen with respect to what I had to say. He was amazing at disagreeing with me w/o ever making me feel like it was a personal thing. Even when he chewed me out when I had lead poorly, or wasn't making the grade in some way, he never made it personal. He was amazing that way. I would like to do that better.
The reason this comes up is that I am convinced that a leader has to create a culture of communication and trust. He can't just assume it, or hope it happens, or even force it to happen. I have apparently done a poor job of that.
Recently I made some not very popular decisions. Some were things I chose to do, while others were directions I chose not to lead the youth group... or I chose to lead the youth group, depending on your point of view. On the plus side, I was extremely proud of the students, and thankful to the staff for encouraging them. The students came to me with an issue, made sure they understood exactly what I had decided, then respectfully disagreed with me. It opened the door for some good dialogue with a couple of students and one staff, and for that I'm thankful.
However, here's where I feel like I've dropped the ball. I could easily blame the staff for this, but - as many leaders have taught me, even when I don't like it - ultimately, it's about my leadership. Either I'm going to lead, or I'm going to let them do so. I apparently haven't led well enough to create that culture of trust and communication. Throughout all of the recent issues I've wrestled with, nobody has asked why I did it. They haven't trusted me enough to ask me why I chose what I did, or to assume the best and wait for an explanation. Instead they've gone straight to telling me why I'm wrong, or - and this was the worst and most frustrating - somebody wrote me an anonymous note complaining about some of my actions. Have I done such a poor job of leadership - have I instead created a culture of fear of my response - that they aren't willing to approach me personally?
I think it's partially that. I think it's something else, too. It's a church culture here. I've seen it time again. Recently my pastor even experienced it. There are simply people in this church who refuse to deal with conflict head-on in a healthy way. There is innuendo, vague accusations, and written (sometimes anonymous) notes. It's not everybody, thankfully. I've run into some amazing folks here when it comes to conflict. Still, it is - unfortunately - too many. I'm praying for wisdom in approaching people and encouraging them to learn how to deal with conflict in a healthy way. I'm also praying that I don't fall into the same trap, or - worse yet - not dealing with it at all. Please pray that I would lead and pastor well, even when the decisions aren't going to be popular. Thanks.
The reason this comes up is that I am convinced that a leader has to create a culture of communication and trust. He can't just assume it, or hope it happens, or even force it to happen. I have apparently done a poor job of that.
Recently I made some not very popular decisions. Some were things I chose to do, while others were directions I chose not to lead the youth group... or I chose to lead the youth group, depending on your point of view. On the plus side, I was extremely proud of the students, and thankful to the staff for encouraging them. The students came to me with an issue, made sure they understood exactly what I had decided, then respectfully disagreed with me. It opened the door for some good dialogue with a couple of students and one staff, and for that I'm thankful.
However, here's where I feel like I've dropped the ball. I could easily blame the staff for this, but - as many leaders have taught me, even when I don't like it - ultimately, it's about my leadership. Either I'm going to lead, or I'm going to let them do so. I apparently haven't led well enough to create that culture of trust and communication. Throughout all of the recent issues I've wrestled with, nobody has asked why I did it. They haven't trusted me enough to ask me why I chose what I did, or to assume the best and wait for an explanation. Instead they've gone straight to telling me why I'm wrong, or - and this was the worst and most frustrating - somebody wrote me an anonymous note complaining about some of my actions. Have I done such a poor job of leadership - have I instead created a culture of fear of my response - that they aren't willing to approach me personally?
I think it's partially that. I think it's something else, too. It's a church culture here. I've seen it time again. Recently my pastor even experienced it. There are simply people in this church who refuse to deal with conflict head-on in a healthy way. There is innuendo, vague accusations, and written (sometimes anonymous) notes. It's not everybody, thankfully. I've run into some amazing folks here when it comes to conflict. Still, it is - unfortunately - too many. I'm praying for wisdom in approaching people and encouraging them to learn how to deal with conflict in a healthy way. I'm also praying that I don't fall into the same trap, or - worse yet - not dealing with it at all. Please pray that I would lead and pastor well, even when the decisions aren't going to be popular. Thanks.
Labels: Church, Intercession Requests, Leadership, Personal, Youth Ministry
posted by Pastor Paul at
5:00 PM
2 Comments:
I know I'm a layman, but thanks to the Internet, I can pretend to know what I'm talking about. :)
Sometimes the best way to deal with that sort of people is to outlast them. Being both young and fairly newly arrived makes you a target for people who think pastors are there to carry out their will. If your senior pastor is supportive, that may make all the difference in the world. As long as the troublemakers can't actually get you fired, it seems to me you're winning in the long haul.
(Notice I didn't even touch on the possibility that the problem was your pastoring. That's irrelevant. You may make the occasional mistake, but your calling came from God, regardless of where the paychecks come from. You have one Boss, not five hundred of them.)
Illegitimi non carborundum, brother!
By
Joel, at 10:07 AM
Thank you so much for the encouragement, brother. What you say has loads of truth in it. I would add (maybe I said it in my post) that my role when I do make the mistake is apology, repentance, admitting my mistake, etc. Thankfully, as I do that more, those who struggle with following my leadership seem to be willing to at least follow my humility, even when they disagree. Of course, to say "my humility" is, in itself, rather prideful, but please hear the heart behind it, not the actual statement. Thanks again or the encouragement. Not bad for a layman.;)
By
Pastor Paul, at 10:16 AM
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