Trusting Your Pastor
You can read part 2 here.
During a very difficult conversation yesterday, the issue of trust came up. How can people show that they trust their pastor (or youth pastor, as the case may be). So I've been thinking about that, and I've come up with a few ideas for how those over pastors, and those who are being pastored can show that they trust their pastor. This is a vital part of ministry. If you can't/choose not to for whatever reason trust your pastor, then you need to either leave the church, or ask them to. There's simply very little wiggle room on that one. So, because the boys are waiting for breakfast, here are a couple thoughts on trusting your pastor.
1) Don't believe anything anybody says about them. That sounds extreme, and like you're setting yourself and the church up for a fall, so let me expand on that. What I mean is that if somebody brings an accusation against your pastor, your first response shouldn't be to go and accuse your pastor of whatever it is, then tell them to stop. By doing so you're backing them into a corner they can't get help from (whether guilty or innocent), you're attacking their character (if they deny the charges, you've already called them a liar), and you're completely destroying any relationship - and therefore hope of helping them - you may have had. Instead, you should ask questions of them. For example, maybe this approach would be appropriate: "Paul, I've heard that you're teaching our kids that the Bible teaches that all rock music if of the devil. That doesn't sound like something you'd do, but I was told that by (say their name - if they're not willing to face their accuser, they shouldn't have brought it up), so I thought I'd ask so you can help me get it straightened out." This does two things. It lets the pastor know you believe in them and trust them, and, if I really was preaching that all rock music was sinful, it opens the door for a dialogue about why I'm wrong, and allows me a chance to be taught the truth. If I haven't been teaching that, it allows me an opportunity to share what I was teaching (the context of what was said) without being immediately on the defensive.
What I'm not suggesting is that you do this every time, or that you shouldn't follow up on accusations, especially serious ones. If you know that a pastor's struggled with a particular sin - smoking, for instance - and somebody says they saw him smoking in the men's restroom, not only should you check it out, but you should do so prepared for the worst, even as you approach him with love and compassion. The question approach is still the best approach, but it may be a bit more forward and blunt. Still, a rule-of-thumb is a)ask questions, don't make accusations (accusations show you trust anybody over your pastor) and b)assume he's innocent unless proven guilty (by his admission, or multiple witnesses/proofs if he denies it. After all, walking in to the men's restroom finding him fanning the air even as you smell cigarette smoke on his breath and in the air is not something you can really blow off and say, "I trust you pastor." Trust can be broken.)
A second way that you can show trust of your pastor isn't quite so obvious, but it's huge for building relationship, which is based on trust, and therefore will build trust. Don't wait for your pastor to pursue you. Pursue your pastor. This is especially true if you're over a pastor. Invite them out for coffee. Invite him and his spouse and/or kids for a meal. Not just the first year, but regularly. Do so with an agenda: To ask how he's doing, what's happening in the ministry, and how you can pray for and/or care for him. Then follow through. If he says his wife's struggling with the stress of a pregnancy and caring for a rambunctious two year old, then offer to babysit for a night... and consider it an honor. If he says he's struggling with lust, then keep pursuing him and asking how he's doing at keeping his eye gates under the Spirit's control - not accusatory, but caring. If he says he's struggling with how to care for a kid, then truly do pray, then ask follow-up questions a week or two later, expecting God to be moving. Finally, if you hear something that concerns you, let him know it concerns you, and why. But do so with care and compassion. He may have a perfectly good reason for whatever it is. Are you willing to trust him enough even when you don't necessarily agree with him philosophically about it. After all, God's placed him in leadership over whatever ministry it is, not you.
Ultimately, there may be a place to call a pastor to account - for doing a poor job, for taking the church a different direction then the leadership believes God is calling (4-5 elders hearing one direction, and the pastor hearing another may just be that somebody missed God, either giving/taking the pastoral job, or maybe on whatever the issue is. Yes, 4-5 people could be wrong. Not as likely, but possibly.), or even for a sin issue. But trusting in the first place, and building on that foundation of trust, will be huge for the future if that accounting needs to take place.
I've got one more on my brain, but, if I can, I'll have to get back to it later. I've got to go fix breakfast before I have a mutinee on my hands... or Shari just serves cereal, while I'm wanting eggs and sausage.
PS: None of the scenarios listed above are scenarios I have or am dealing with. I don't want anybody thinking I've started smoking or something like that.
During a very difficult conversation yesterday, the issue of trust came up. How can people show that they trust their pastor (or youth pastor, as the case may be). So I've been thinking about that, and I've come up with a few ideas for how those over pastors, and those who are being pastored can show that they trust their pastor. This is a vital part of ministry. If you can't/choose not to for whatever reason trust your pastor, then you need to either leave the church, or ask them to. There's simply very little wiggle room on that one. So, because the boys are waiting for breakfast, here are a couple thoughts on trusting your pastor.
1) Don't believe anything anybody says about them. That sounds extreme, and like you're setting yourself and the church up for a fall, so let me expand on that. What I mean is that if somebody brings an accusation against your pastor, your first response shouldn't be to go and accuse your pastor of whatever it is, then tell them to stop. By doing so you're backing them into a corner they can't get help from (whether guilty or innocent), you're attacking their character (if they deny the charges, you've already called them a liar), and you're completely destroying any relationship - and therefore hope of helping them - you may have had. Instead, you should ask questions of them. For example, maybe this approach would be appropriate: "Paul, I've heard that you're teaching our kids that the Bible teaches that all rock music if of the devil. That doesn't sound like something you'd do, but I was told that by (say their name - if they're not willing to face their accuser, they shouldn't have brought it up), so I thought I'd ask so you can help me get it straightened out." This does two things. It lets the pastor know you believe in them and trust them, and, if I really was preaching that all rock music was sinful, it opens the door for a dialogue about why I'm wrong, and allows me a chance to be taught the truth. If I haven't been teaching that, it allows me an opportunity to share what I was teaching (the context of what was said) without being immediately on the defensive.
What I'm not suggesting is that you do this every time, or that you shouldn't follow up on accusations, especially serious ones. If you know that a pastor's struggled with a particular sin - smoking, for instance - and somebody says they saw him smoking in the men's restroom, not only should you check it out, but you should do so prepared for the worst, even as you approach him with love and compassion. The question approach is still the best approach, but it may be a bit more forward and blunt. Still, a rule-of-thumb is a)ask questions, don't make accusations (accusations show you trust anybody over your pastor) and b)assume he's innocent unless proven guilty (by his admission, or multiple witnesses/proofs if he denies it. After all, walking in to the men's restroom finding him fanning the air even as you smell cigarette smoke on his breath and in the air is not something you can really blow off and say, "I trust you pastor." Trust can be broken.)
A second way that you can show trust of your pastor isn't quite so obvious, but it's huge for building relationship, which is based on trust, and therefore will build trust. Don't wait for your pastor to pursue you. Pursue your pastor. This is especially true if you're over a pastor. Invite them out for coffee. Invite him and his spouse and/or kids for a meal. Not just the first year, but regularly. Do so with an agenda: To ask how he's doing, what's happening in the ministry, and how you can pray for and/or care for him. Then follow through. If he says his wife's struggling with the stress of a pregnancy and caring for a rambunctious two year old, then offer to babysit for a night... and consider it an honor. If he says he's struggling with lust, then keep pursuing him and asking how he's doing at keeping his eye gates under the Spirit's control - not accusatory, but caring. If he says he's struggling with how to care for a kid, then truly do pray, then ask follow-up questions a week or two later, expecting God to be moving. Finally, if you hear something that concerns you, let him know it concerns you, and why. But do so with care and compassion. He may have a perfectly good reason for whatever it is. Are you willing to trust him enough even when you don't necessarily agree with him philosophically about it. After all, God's placed him in leadership over whatever ministry it is, not you.
Ultimately, there may be a place to call a pastor to account - for doing a poor job, for taking the church a different direction then the leadership believes God is calling (4-5 elders hearing one direction, and the pastor hearing another may just be that somebody missed God, either giving/taking the pastoral job, or maybe on whatever the issue is. Yes, 4-5 people could be wrong. Not as likely, but possibly.), or even for a sin issue. But trusting in the first place, and building on that foundation of trust, will be huge for the future if that accounting needs to take place.
I've got one more on my brain, but, if I can, I'll have to get back to it later. I've got to go fix breakfast before I have a mutinee on my hands... or Shari just serves cereal, while I'm wanting eggs and sausage.
PS: None of the scenarios listed above are scenarios I have or am dealing with. I don't want anybody thinking I've started smoking or something like that.
Labels: Church, Leadership, Personal, Youth Ministry
posted by Pastor Paul at
6:48 AM
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