Highs and Lows of My Last YD Directors' Retreat

So much to say, and so few pictures. None, to be exact. Some day I'll get a digital camera.

First, a few updates from my last blog:

• Shari's trip went extremely well. We do have pictures at WalMart, waiting to be picked up. I'll save some of those stories for another blog, but I will say that Angel decided to "get into the boat." After much "counting the cost," she told one of the guides on Friday morning that she was ready to commit her life to Jesus. All costs for making this trip happen just became obviously worth it.
• Dave's trip also went well, with the young man he's mentoring making some significant steps in his growth in Christ.

I'll comment on those more at a later time, after pictures come in, and we get back the mt. biking trip.

There were a few high points to my time with at the directors' retreat last week. Probably the highest point was saying goodbye to Bronco, my best and longest friend amongst the directors, and the man who was my direct boss for so many years while I was in Concrete. No, I'm not happy to say goodbye, but for the opportunity and time to truly say goodbye. We spent an hour wandering around Stonewater after the other directors had left. While I'm sad that I missed a final goodbye with them (picking up boys, running final errands around camp, etc.), I'm thankful Bronco chose to wait and pursue me.

Another high point was being able to leave some final fingerprints in the YD ministry. Oh, nothing that anybody will look back and say, "Paul caused that to happen," but, through discussion, I had opportunities to help shape the direction for YD's ministry. That was great.

A third high point I want to mention involves a director's job description. On our final day, we went through a list of a director's responsibilities. Items on that list included some obvious ones - raising and managing the budget, directing and training volunteers - as well as several not so obvious ones that I can't remember because I didn't write them down. Oh, well. Anyway, there were nine or ten that were listed as roles the director must do, ie. he can't delegate these things. At the bottom of the list (literally and figuratively) was student ministry. I won't go into the pros and cons of the placement of said role. I simply want to use this to point out a lesson I learned through this. As I read through this list (a list we have made before, or my boss has made with me privately), it was as if God was re-affirming in my heart that the decision I had made was not only a healthy one, but a God directed one. I am convinced that God lead me to lead MLYD for a time, but that time is over, and He's taking me to a place where I can use the gifts He's given me, as well as the skills He has taught me over the years. Namely, I'm a youth pastor, a shepherd of students and their families, not a ministry manager. God has somebody out there for my job, but I'm definitely not it.

There was a low point in the week. I will speak of it by telling what happened with Matthew afterwards, in order that others may learn from it.

On Friday, Matthew threw some tantrums over something. I let him know the discipline, but was unable to administer it until after he was ready for bed. Then, while I'm still distracted by something, he came to me and said something to the affect of, "Dad, I'm ready now." After administering the discipline, I wanted to affirm his attitude. After all, he recognized he had made a bad choice, and was facing his discipline like a man. As I'm looking him in the eyes and letting him know how proud I was of him for facing the consequences of his choices instead of trying to get out of it, even though it meant pain for a short time, God spoke clearly to me.

"My Son, you are in conflict with somebody in your life. The very character trait you are affirming in Matthew, you are refusing to practice in your own life. You need to run to me for strength, then pursue (this person) in order to work this out. Yes, it will be painful, but better the short term pain than the long term bitterness and unforgiveness."

You see, there was one person at the retreat that I truly don't get along with. Oh, we're civil, polite, and respectful to each other, and can even play together, but our perspective on ministry, our priorities, and even some of our beliefs about God, are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Many times over the years this tension has caused some wounds in me. They may also have caused some wounds in him, but, because of my wounds, I haven't been willing, especially the last six months, to pursue the conflict. In fact, I'm afraid that, had I pursued it, like a wounded animal, I would have lashed out with the desire to hurt this man. During the retreat, he approached me with the desire to get together later and talk about these issues. I spent most of the retreat tied up in knots, and working to avoid just such a confrontation. I believe in dealing with conflict, and am usually pretty good at doing it (though it's usually painful). However, this one had a ton more pain than I wanted to deal with at the moment. Now, though, I'm afraid such a time must be created. I can't argue with God when He speaks so clearly through my son.

So, highs and lows at the retreat. For those who prayed, thank you. I would even go so far as to say that God answered your prayers by tieing me up in knots. Not all answered prayers make one feel good. Sometimes He answers by convicting of sin... which leads to repentance... which leads to healed relationships, healed hearts, and a healed relationship with God. May God bring healing, even in the midst of this stormy relationship.